How to get NOTICED by Your Ultimate Crush!!!

Hello girls and boys! How you all doing? TGIF!!!!

9pm last night and after a long day at work a neighbor/good friend Niki came knocking on my door (as usual, unannounced!!!) with a two bottles in hand - a Grey goose and a cranberry! Perfect! We call this - the vodka night! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this thing called "spur of the moment"!!!! Way to go Niki!

I love hanging out with Niki because she talks a lot! And I mean the girl can talk a lot lot lot! She's your typical african-american girl that bitches about anything and everything but don't you dare judge her! The girl is a LAW STUDENT at UPENN (Ivy League mah baby!).

So last night we talked about so many things and I wanted to share one of our easy, breezy, beautiful (Covergirl Ad...hahahaha) topics: HOW TO GET NOTICED BY YOUR ULTIMATE CRUSH!

1. Leave Your Watch at HOME! For Boys and Girls!

Don't wear a watch and keep your mobile phone (put it in vibrate or silent mode too) in your purse/bag/undies! This will give you a chance to ask him/her if he/she has the time. If he/she doesn't have a watch, i'm tellin you girl/boy - FORGET ABOUT HIM/HER! Why? I think a watch is an essential accesory most specially for guys. You know what I'm sayin???(Snoop Dog tone) If he can't get himself a watch, what makes you think he's gonna get you one??? And also, this will give him/her the excuse when he/she comes late on your date in a "karinderya" (local eatery).

2. For Girls: If you knew that you'll bump into your CRUSH: WEAR A SKIMPY SKIRT or plunging-boob exposing shirt or dress!

Let's admit it, boys like seeing legs and/or 2 mountains or sometimes hills for small breasts - if they can have both then DAMN you're a winner!!!! They really do. After all, they are guys! WARNING and ALERT: I'm sure you are thinking of a $1 hooker get-up. No you mothafucka! Dress up sexy! I know there's a thin line that separates sexiness and "whoreness". So ask your dad first what he thinks...hahahaha. Just beware of NOT looking like $1 hooker, OK?

3. For Boys: This is easy for you guys: Wear or Bring any SPORTS ACCESSORIES!

Hmmm example: Wear an Equestrian Suit! How about a hockey helmet while you are walking in the halls of your school or office? Or wear a swimming trunks while grocery shopping in K-Mart. Maybe bring a skateboard while dressed up in a formal suit? No!!!! Seriously guys, WOMEN love men involved in SPORTS. The athleticism involved is so powerful for them. It drives them nuts and they'd go gaga over you!

4. For Girls: Act smart!!!

I've seen lots of girls lose it when they see their crushes. They either faint or act as if she was dipped in the unforgiving seas of NORTH POLE. Come on now! Get your act together WOMAN! Impress your guys with smart talks and sensible comments. Here's a good example of a girl losing it:

Girl: I like the color of your hair... (wow, sounds like a promising comment)

Boy: Thank you.

Girl: Is it your natural hair? (ok, it still sounds reasonable to ask)

Boy: Yeah.

Girl: Can I Touch it? (hmmm, i'm seeing red flags!)

Boy: Sure

Girl: Can I smell it? (hmmm, scary bitch!!!)

Boy: (Giving the girl a dumbfounded look)

Girl: I think you need some new shampoo and conditioner and I can recommend some if you want and we can buy it together... yada yada yada... and the girl went on forever...

It's the END OF YOUR WORLD HONEY!

It's simple girls, act SMART!

5. For Boys: Talk about how you love your MOM, yes your MOTHER!

Girls love it when boys talk about how they respect and love their moms. It gives them an idea of how you will treat them. However, don't overdo it and sound like a big, creepy and spoiled MAMA's boy! Wait for the perfect chance to slide it in the context of the conversation. I mean if you guys are talking about baseball or watching a sports event, you don't go like: OH MAN I LOVE MY MOM!!! in the middle of the game or something! What a psycho!

6. For Girls: IGNORE! IGNORE! IGNORE!

Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. So be careful! Some guys find it challenging when girls ignore them (Most specially those "i-know-i'm-good looking type of guys). So the rule applies: the 3 Is. But don't be such a bitch! Smile and move on kind of ignoring is what I'm talking about! NOT the kind of "i'm better than you are little twat" ignore. Ok???

I'm sure you guys have your own tactics and sometimes magical potions to get noticed by your crushes...hahahaha

Lemme know some of them...

And I hope this tips help you get laid I mean get noticed by your crush!!!

Bueno, Adios mi amigos!!!

Hugs,

Morrise