Parenting 101: Sunday Mass Etiquette... Ggggrrrrrrr

Before I start, let me give you some definition of terms taken from Tuesdays With Morrise (TWM) School of Behavioral Sciences a.k.a. School for the Socially and Mentally challenged people!

Etiquette: TWM defines Etiquette as rules governing socially acceptable behavior. Ok guys, the operative word here is ACCEPTABLE!

Parenting 101: TWM defines Parenting 101 as a class that offers parents, live-in partners, stupid straight couples that didn't use protection, gay couples and some primate couples that are smarter than human beings, courses on "How to raise a child and how to make your kids obedient, respectful, kind and most importantly.... a God-fearing child. I'll tell you why I put God-Fearing as the most important part of the Parenting 101 course.

I went to Sunday Mass early yesterday. I braved the cold weather and wrapped myself with 4 layers of clothes, gloves and ear mops. You know, for one thing I know how to say a prayer.

I love the atmosphere of the cathedral where I go to on Sundays. It's a 130 year old cathedral. The cathedral offers Baroque style of architecture that is characterized by dramatic light and shades and silhouettes, sweeping curves and a general effect of fantastic opulence. It gives me some source of tranquility and peace of mind. The voice of the cathedral's choir gives me goose bumps everytime I hear them sing.

Everything sounds perfect guys, right??? Until... (drum roll please...) you hear a baby crying inside the cathedral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I don't mean the kind of sobbing little cry but the endless, ear drum-tearing, screaming type of cry, you know what I mean??? Jesus Christ! It's so annoying! There you are, concentrating on the teachings of Christ and telling God that you'll never commit the same sins again (which by the way you keep telling God everytime you go to mass) and all you can hear is a freakin' baby tearing your ear drums!!! What the F???

To make the story even more worst, the parent lined up with their crying baby for the communion!!!! I understand that they wanted to get their, you know, body of christ but come on now parents!!!! I swear to god, I wanted to snatch their kid and bring it out of the cathedral and spank his little cute butt until he can cry no more!

Ok parents, I understand that you wanted your kids to grow up God-fearing and everything and praying to God that they won't engage into drugs or pre-marital sex like you did when you were growing up yada yada. But please do the community of Christ a big favor, Once your baby starts crying uncontrollably, bring them out of the church until they stop crying and then you are more than welcome to bring them back (if I decide not to lock the cathedral's doors hahahaha)

If you know that your kid gets uncomfortable everytime you bring 'em to church (hopefully they feel uncomfortable because of their diapers or whatever and NOT because of the presence of holy images and the holy water...hahahaha), then leave 'em at home. Hire a nanny for God sake or leave 'em at the care of somebody who is willing and you trust or bring them to a nursery care or ask a nun to baby sit your child while you hear the mass, I'm sure the nun wouldn't mind.

Also, I know of some churches that have nursery facilities already. That's a plus points on your list of things to do to go to heaven!

Don't get me wrong folks, I love love love kids... I swear to papa God. I love them to death until they start crying like there's no tomorrow.

That's what you call PARENTING 101 from TWM, ok?

I'm sure my readers have experienced this same thing that I have. Isn't it annoying and frustrating?

So promise me my dear readers that you will take this Parenting 101 lesson anywhere you go most specially when you guys become parents and decide to pass your beautiful genes to your kids or procreate. OK???

And if you are a guilty parent charged with this case of mine. There's a way to be good again (-The Kite Runner).

Hugs,

Morrise